12 Pains of Christmas
by FruitCat
Summary: Sesshoumaru, Kagome, and their brood celebrate with the Twelve Pains of Christmas. I own nothing but the kids.


_***The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me**_

_**Is finding a Christmas tree***_

Kagome sighed as she watched her mate glance around the lot. Pine trees as far as the eye could see, and he still couldn't find one damn tree for their living room.

Ten year Takara and her five year old twin brothers sat on a log seat, freezing.

"Mom, can we go?" Takara whined, the twins groaning in agreement.

"No." Their father barked. "Not until we have the perfect tree."

Kagome sighed again, and joined her children on the log. It was going to be a long night.

_***The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**Rigging up the lights**_

_**And finding a Christmas Tree***_

She would laugh if she wasn't so exasperated. After watching her mate fight with the lights, Kagome had retreated to the kitchen to get some tea. She came back to find Sesshoumaru removing everything from the tree, stating that the tree was obviously faulty and not the proper one for his family.

Kagome sighed. Here we go again.

_***The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**Hangovers**_

_**Rigging up the lights**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

"I told you not drink all that eggnog. Miroku has a tendency to make it stronger than it should be. Oh, by the way, the lights blew up and the tree caught fire."

_***The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**Sending Christmas cards**_

_**Hangovers**_

_**Rigging up the lights**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

Kagome rubbed her hand. It was really starting to cramp up. Who knew Sesshoumaru had so many relatives?

He called to her from the living room, once again hung over, giving her demands. Kagome smirked. With a carefully aimed rubber band, Kagome snapped the band and watched it hit his glass, sending water to the floor. The water fell on the tree, and with a pop, the lights went out.

That would teach him.

_***The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**Five months of bills!**_

_**Sending Christmas cards**_

_**Hangovers**_

_**Rigging up the lights**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

They sat at the table, sorting through their bills.

"How did we get so far behind? We're usually on top of everything." Kagome said, signing yet another check.

Sesshoumaru merely shrugged, trying to ignore the tightening muscle in his hand. Along with signing his name, he had taken up the card writing for Kagome. On top of that, his head hurt. A lot.

"Daddy!" Akihiko called from the living room.

"What is it son?" His voice took on a warmer tone.

"The Takawa twipped on the lights and fell into the twee! She broke it!"

_***The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**Facing my in-laws**_

_**Five months of bills!**_

_**Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!**_

_**Hangovers**_

_**Rigging up these lights!**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

Sesshoumaru's father: Intimidating. His brother: annoying. His mother: a life sucking bitch from hell.

After dealing with debt, a week-long cramped hand, hung over friends, and a mate who was completely bipolar on his thoughts about the tree and its lights, Kagome was feeling very tired. And then (joy oh joy) she was forced to spend time with his mean, vicious, vindictive mother.

'_Dear god, kill me now.'_

_***The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**The Salvation Army**_

_**Facing my in-laws**_

_**Five months of bills!**_

_**Sending Christmas cards**_

_**Oh, geez!**_

_**I**__**'m tryin' to rig up these lights!**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

Inuyasha pouted. He hated shopping during Christmas. It made him feel like a total ass. Everyone asking for money, and him not giving squat. Shaking his head, he listened to Kagome bitch about Sesshoumaru's mom. He rolled his eyes. He knew the woman hated Kagome. Hell, she hated everyone. That was exactly why he never went around her.

"Ok, so we need: cheap cards, floor cleaner, new lights, and a tree."

He glanced at her. "Floor cleaner? Lights? And I thought you already had a tree."

She rolled her eyes. "Sesshoumaru is hanging with Miroku too much, the kids decided to steal the lights, and Akina went to the bathroom on our old one."

"Oh."

_***The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:**_

_**I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!**_

_**Charities**_

_**,And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?!?**_

_**Five months of bills!**_

_**Ach, making out these cards**_

_**Honey, get me a beer, huh?**_

_**What, we have no extension cords?!?**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

It was official; Kagome hated Christmas.

"And I want…and this too…and this…and that…andandandand…"

The words were ringing in her head. Her children were spoiled.

"Hurry up Kagome! Sesshoumaru's mom is on the phone."

"Hang up on her!"

"Hell no! One of those charities may end up calling!…By the way, I think your neighbor stole your mail…and your tree…And is Sesshoumaru in the kitchen?"

_***The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**Finding parking spaces**_

_**DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!**_

_**Donations!**_

_**Facing my in-laws **_

_**Five months of bills!**_

_**Writing out those Christmas cards**_

_**Hangovers!**_

_**Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

"Mommy! Mom! Mother!" Three voices rang out in the car while Sesshoumaru circled the lot.

Kagome tried to fight the oncoming migraine, to no avail. They had gone to the mall to get more supplies, and just had to bring the kids.

'_…'_

_***The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**"Batteries Not Included"**_

_**No parking spaces**_

_**BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!**_

_**Get a job, ya bum!**_

_**Facing my in-laws!**_

_**Five months of bills!**_

_**Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards**_

_**Oh, geez, look at this!**_

_**One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

"What the hell?!" Kagome read over the box once more. "Damn it all! Sesshoumaru! We have to go back to the store! We need batteries! Lots and lots of batteries…"

_***The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**Stale TV specials**_

_**"Batteries Not Included"**_

_**No parking spaces**_

_**DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!**_

_**Charities!**_

_**She's a witch...I hate her!**_

_**Five months of bills!**_

_**Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!**_

_**Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?**_

_**Get a flashlight...I blew a fuse!!**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

"Why is it that there's never anything on TV during Christmas?" Inuyasha flipped through the channels once more. Suddenly, **POP!**

"Kagome, bring me the flashlight!"

_***The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:**_

_**Singing Christmas carols**_

_**Stale TV specials**_

_**"Batteries Not Included"**_

_**No parking?!?**_

_**WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!**_

_**Charities!**_

_**Gotta make 'em dinner!**_

_**Five months of bills!**_

_**I'm not sendin' them this year, that's it!**_

_**Shut up, you!**_

_**FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!**_

_**And finding a Christmas tree***_

Finally. Finally Christmas day. The carolers were getting on his nerves, as were the repeated shows and crying children. Kagome was currently cooking for nearly every relative on both sides of the family, and Inuyasha was figuring out the lights (because Sesshoumaru had gotten tired of hearing him laugh.)

Sesshoumaru groaned. He couldn't wait for the day to be over. Good thing it only happens once a year.


End file.
